Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
