I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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