i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
