You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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