genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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