Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
