a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
