College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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