Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
