you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
