I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We had to coat check the pizza.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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