So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
