Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
