really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
