im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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