i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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