Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
