Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
