If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
