this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
