ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
