the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
