The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
