you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
