Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
