I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
