New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
