I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
