Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
