Just cropdusted the office
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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