I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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