btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
