Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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