U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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