didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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