Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
