If i come over, it means nothing
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize