You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
