I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
