He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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