So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
