I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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