Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
