apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
