dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
