you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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