I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
