i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
