i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
