That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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