We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
