no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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