Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
