well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
