u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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