My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
