And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The air was thick with penises
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
