lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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