i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
