He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
